My Post Critiqued — By Me (#1)

Editing

I’ve been blogging for a while now. As time passes, I learn (and unlearn) new techniques either from the internet, books, or simply by observation. In this post, I’m going to critique (and revise) one of my post — the first one.

The original post


“Welcome to my Dojo (bows)” is relatively short, so might as well post it here:

You may ask why I refer to my blog as a dojo? In martial arts (especially japanese ones), the dojo is the place where martial artists hone their skills. Regardless of their ranks and skill level, when a person practices regularly he develops his skills and being a better blogger is what I want to be. Currently I’m still a white belt (despite of using the internet for more than a decade already). They say the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Here we go… Get’s out of the spaceship and lands my left foot…

It’s time to become a critic


In what follows, I’ll critique that post and will revise the parts I found
“interesting.”

  1. You may ask why I refer to my blog as a dojo?
    • The sentence above is an indirect question, that’s why it doesn’t need to be concluded by a question mark (?).
    • It would be nice to put a comma after the word ask.
    • It will sound better if I put the word would before the word I.

    Revised version:

    You may ask, why would I refer to my blog as a dojo.

  2. In martial arts (especially japanese ones), the dojo is the place where martial artists hone their skills.
    • The word japanese is a proper noun, that’s why it should be capitalized.
    • From the word where, we can already infer that dojo is a place, so the phrase “the place” is redundant.

    Revised version:

    In martial arts (especially Japanese ones), the dojo is where martial artists hone their skills.

  3. Regardless of their ranks and skill level, when a person practices regularly he develops his skills and being a better blogger is what I want to be.
    • Since I’m referring to a singular subject here, which is person, their should be replaced by his (or her).
    • Similarly, ranks is changed to rank.
    • It looks like we need to pause after regularly. Let’s add a comma there.
    • Regarding: “being a better blogger …” is an independent clause preceded by the coordinating conjunction and. We should add a comma before and.

    Revised version:

    Regardless of his rank and skill level, when a person practices regularly, he develops his skills, and being a better blogger is what I want to be.

  4. Currently I’m still a white belt (despite of using the internet for more than a decade already).
    • It’s not required, but guided by my current style, I would place a comma after Currently.
    • We don’t need the word of, after the word despite.

    Revised version:

    Currently, I’m still a white belt (despite using the internet for more than a decade already).

  5. Here we go… Get’s out of the spaceship and lands my left foot…
    • “Get’s” looks like a possessive version of “Get.” What! I wrote that!
    • It would sound better if I place on before my.

    Revised version:

    Here we go… Gets out of the spaceship and lands on my left foot…

In addition, like I mentioned in a previous post, short paragraphs seems easier on the eyes. So, I would consider dividing that paragraph into shorter ones.

Welcome to my Dojo (bows) (Version 2.0)

Without further ado, here is the completed revision:

You may ask, why would I refer to my blog as a dojo. In martial arts (especially Japanese ones), the dojo is where martial artists hone their skills.

Regardless of his rank and skill level, when a person practices regularly, he develops his skills, and being a better blogger is what I want to be. Currently, I’m still a white belt (despite using the internet for more than a decade already).

They say the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Here we go… Gets out of the spaceship and lands on my left foot…

In Conclusion

I hope you learned something from this post. Aside from some technical details about editing, let us include the idea of constant improvement as well. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to learn from those mistakes, so we will do better next time. Good luck!

Photo credit: Dan Patterson from Flickr.

Advertisements

One thought on “My Post Critiqued — By Me (#1)

  1. Pingback: (Obligatory) First Post - Green Belt Blogger

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s